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20 Things After 2 Years [15 Nov 2012|11:16pm]
[ mood | calm ]

It's been two years since I've updated this and subsequently since uprooting myself from Manila. Exhilarating, terrifying and everything else in between, the last 807 days (and counting) have been all about growing new roots on unfamiliar terrain.

This piece is a result of an evening I needed to re-assess and remind myself to stop worrying about not closing the gap between "where I am now" versus "where I'd rather be" fast enough. Can Saturn, perhaps, be rising ahead of time? Is that even possible??? I pounded away at my poor keyboard for a good half hour, saved text without proofreading and went to bed. The neurosis wore off a few hours later and I went back to the entry. Though I shivered at the thought of preachy word vomit...surprisingly, it didn't leave me scrambling for the "delete entry, delete entry NOW" reflex. At the very least, I was thankful for the push to write again, in a LONG time, for myself.

So, for what it's worth, preachy word vomit in 20 points means I've learned, so far, that:

  1. Jumping in armed with nothing but common sense, bulldozing persistence and complete faith are all you need to cushion your landing.
  2. What you have now is never truly permanent, nor will the present ever be stagnant by consciously choosing to keep moving.
  3. Going into auto-pilot mode, i.e. complacency, should be kept as brief as possible, if only to recharge spent energy—never a reason to keep cruising through.
  4. Fast money, easy money and material aspirations in a totally urban environment will consume you if you let it; remember how simple joys and acts of kindness, done consistently, daily, towards others will fill a void faster than any material object ever can.
  5. Material loss is inconsequential to the loss of effort to stay in touch with those who matter and will stand by you until the end.
  6. You were meant to share your talent/s: hone and grow them with the intent of inspiring others to do the same.
  7. There is nothing better for the soul than to be outdoors and basking in sunshine.
  8. You should be okay with not being liked by everyone.
  9. I am beyond blessed.
  10. To complain about minor nuances and self-established limitations are an affront to my own ability to reach a higher purpose—which is to learn, give back and be in constant communion with others towards a better world.
  11. The fastest way to inhibit growth is to be selfish.
  12. There are many opportunities to renew, restart and reconcile. Start today. A little, everyday.
  13. No matter how hard you work, the feeling of accomplishment should come from having exercised a set of skills to push you on to the next task. They will keep coming. It should never be solely about the money.
  14. I am not as good as I think I am. To remain humble and kind, open and constantly learning truths in the everyday must follow through.
  15. If you are not ready to love—work, circumstances, people, etc—at the very least, commit to being respectful.
  16. The more excuses made means a very restless, unhealthy spirit. Confront them, take charge and focus on growing deeper roots instead of shallow, uproot-able quick fixes.
  17. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Train to restrain.
  18. An empty heart is worse than an empty bank account, filling one should not compromise the other.
  19. Happiness is a daily choice, fulfillment is a gradual process—the period before reaching “it” should be likened to growing roots: the depth of growth is proportional to how strong you are when adversity/life strikes.
  20. Everyone is poor just as much as everyone is rich—not referring to money. I have something you don’t have, that I’d like to share with you and likewise, you have something that I don’t have, to share with me.

BLAH [30 Jun 2010|02:58pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

I've been binge-eating and wasting vast amounts of braincells trolling through Facebook and watching my News Feed for updates. My ratty tee does nothing for my stretched out, faded boxers and I couldn't care less.


The Pre-Quarterlife Crisis [10 Jun 2010|07:19pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

At around my second official month as a proud, shining member of The Employed, I remember referring to myself as a guppy. A guppy in a "huge-ass ocean of publishing," according to Bevs.

Exactly three years later, I find myself in a state of unemployment. Sometimes blissful, often crippling. What baffles me is that I still feel very much like a guppy, tiny and irrelevant...but with the adrenaline rush of a near-death experience with an angler fish. Oh how my job used to glow...a warm, inviting, hypnotizing yellow against the pitch black sea.

Landing in publishing had been a dream. It was always something I was proud of after my first taste, nurtured by my love for literature and my innate tendency to wield pistols worthy of a grammar Nazi. For as long as I could remember, I always had something going for me that I never really needed to look further beyond. Whatever it was that I had would be enough for me to nurture; everything that kept me sane and happy was right in front of me. Something greater always coming up at the moment I could feel the present diminish. My internship before senior year, for example, had been a flurry of rainbows and sunshine and everything coupled with youthful enthusiasm. I was so certain I had found my place. That early realization and those blissful weeks of naive contentment... I wish I could have bottled up those feelings for a whiff in the future. After graduation, I had been the first among my friends to find work. My dream job I told myself, and exactly what I thought I wanted. I was the charmed one being able to write for a living and work in the fashion department of a well-known magazine.

I loved it so much that it pretty much became my life. What I loved more was being able to say that I was busy because of work. It seemed so "grown-up," a term which I now find ironic because it seems nobody really ever stops growing-up until the day they pass away. I was never the type to be idle and to not have something/anything going for me. I enjoyed seeming like I was in control of my life, given the circumstances that could have propelled me into an otherwise dependent existence. The model child, who was capable of doing anything she wanted in order to be what she said she would. Apparently, I am neither.

So here I am. Far from who I used to be but hardly anywhere near the person I had hoped. Pounding away at a keyboard that has seen much better days. The light had gone out and all I can remember is the flurry of gnashing jaws, glistening teeth with tips that could perforate even the thickest of skins. Murky waters and invisible spin-cycles. The light had gone out and all I can think about is the darkness and the struggle to escape. For once in my life, what was in front of me compelled me to keep my eyes shut.

I am still swimming blindly.

As I dredge myself up from that deep, dark abyss... It baffles me how in the hell I ended up here.

4 cms ?

pip musings [05 May 2007|08:41pm]
[ mood | calm ]

My summer was INSANE.

I know, I know...I can't call it a legit summer break since school's out forever, but I still gave myself a good two months before joining the ranks of the employed. Eeeep. I start work on Monday!! My stomach does bellyflops everytime I think about it. So I try not to. It's quite typical of me to purposely NOT think about how immense my responsibilities will be and just jump in and do it. And then gasp at the sheer madness of everything when it does get crazy.

I'm partied out, beached out, and nursing exhaustion. It's the good kind of tired though-- friendships forged, secrets exchanged, and beautiful pictures taken amidst the chaos. The type of trip that begs for an ending but leaves you wanting more when it does. Although you know you have to leave an island when the sunsets aren't magical anymore. So until the next getaway, I'm packing up my flip-flops and sarongs to bid the summer goodbye. Sigh.


this better be accurate!!! [09 Mar 2007|11:06am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Pisces (Feb 19 - Mar 20)[?]
The Bottom Line

You'll get a major case of warm fuzzies from a very surprising source today.
In Detail

You'll be getting a major dose of warm fuzzies from a very surprising source today -- and you will like it! Getting closer to people isn't always a matter of choice; from time to time, you stumble upon a person whom you'd never have picked out of a crowd, but who enlightens your life and excites your imagination. Get ready for that type of fun stumble today. Keep your mind open, and be ready to change your plans with little more than a moment's notice.

Who doesn't like fuzzies?


It's talagang kreysi. [24 Feb 2007|05:54pm]
[ mood | awake ]

So everybody's freaking out a bit over the end of our university days, myself included. This love-hate relationship, just like any other, is probably the reason why I wonder how the hell I kept my sanity intact over the last four years. Then again, what if my sanity's been long gone and i've been running around like a headless chicken and people have just been too nice to tell me. That, or we've become a whole society of headless chickens that it's the damn norm and nobody can tell the difference. Oh school, how I will miss thee's mind-altering ways.


tsssssss. [19 Feb 2007|01:38am]
[ mood | disappointed ]

what's up faker.

2 cms ?

brat attack [10 Jan 2007|02:31pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

What's the use of being the only girl if I'll never be a daddy's girl anyway?

1 cm ?

all apologies! [20 Nov 2006|03:00am]
[ mood | guilty ]

To my Crapola partner-in-crime and the original Enis:

I'm SORRY! I absolutely did not mean to ditch you last minute and I feel really terrible about it. Sunday sloshedness didn't happen after all and I was SUPER looking forward to itttt. Apparently I did miss one hell of a party, but other than that I'm sorry your invite went to waste!!! I've been such a bad friend!!! I'm really sorry. And it fucking bites you're not in any of my classes. Oh well. I owe you lunch. Watcha say??? Say yes!

2 cms ?

random [04 Nov 2006|04:04pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I'm excited to see what the world has in store for me. Ever the dreamer, I'm hoping it'll be a fantabulous supercalifragilistic supremo ride. I feel like I'm changing, now more than ever, but I can't put my finger on it. What I do know is that I'll never leave my kookiness behind, because laughter is fuckin music to my ears! :)

1 cm ?

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